“If you think infidelity is the worst thing that can happen to your relationship — you haven’t met apathy.” ~ the WiseFool
With the economy in the toilet, we good Americans are quickly giving up on our luxuries. Luxuries we took for granted, you know, back when we suffered from affluenza. Like Debauve & Gallais chocolates, 30-year-old single malt scotch, fine wines, silicone boobs, botox smiles… and infidelity.
Infidelity is one luxury, which may be the easiest to wean yourself from in an economic downturn. When times get uncertain, humans run for cover; we seek comfort in the familiar. These days, loyal relationships are worth more than all the gold in the world. Stock up yall!
But hey, just because you can’t afford infidelity in a bust doesn’t mean you can’t talk about it or, at the very least, fantasize about it. Read the rest of this entry »
“It’s easier for lions to live on green grass than for suburban men to find gratitude for their food.” ~ the WiseFool
Since we profess to be a Christian nation, it’s time we asked: What would Jesus eat if he lived amongst us here in America?
Why, he would eat anything offered to him with LOVE. Even if it’s a pig in a blanket from the smelly hog farms of North Carolina? Yes. Even if it’s Kellog’s cornflakes made from Monsanto’s genetically-engineered corn from Iowa? Yes. Even if it’s milk from the dairy cows of California pumped up with rBST? Yes.
But then, he’s Jesus; he can get away with anything. And you can too. Just as soon as you learn to turn tap water into beer by snapping your fingers and wishing it. Read the rest of this entry »
“If gramma don’t recognize what’s in it — it ain’t food.” ~ the WiseFool
Koo-ta-ching. Koo-ching. Koo-ta-ching. That’s the sound of coins right outside my front door. What might it be? If you were a mouse, you might think you were roosting beneath the cash register of a high-traffic retail joint.
Ha! There is a vending machine right outside my downtown apartment in Portland, Oregon. It stocks everything from Pop Tarts to Starburst candy to Cheetos chips. Needless to say, my front door is the most popular spot in the entire building. It’s a happening place, 24/7. I should be flattered, but I know better. Read the rest of this entry »
“The future belongs to local economies with global awareness.” ~ the WiseFool
Well, whaddaya know? Obama has moved in. And your home will never be the same again. Gracious as ever, he makes you feel at home in your own house. He occupies the leather couch in your living room, but his presence fills your entire space.
True to form, Obama didn’t come empty-handed. He comes bearing gifts for your entire family. The tan prince giveth more than he taketh. But what does it all mean and where will he take us? Read the rest of this entry »
Would you like to step inside my juvenile head? ‘Course, you do. Well, don’t just stand there; come on in. I’m going to take you back in time.
When I was a kid growing up in Mumbai, India, I had a thing for weird shirts with deep pockets. The operative word here is “deep”. I wasn’t into weird clothes, mind you; it’s just that the only shirts that came with deep pockets were, well, weird. Why this fetish for deep pockets?
So I could stuff them full of candy, that’s why. Read the rest of this entry »
“Spontaneity is discipline in disguise — ample proof that beauty and the beast are often one and the same.” ~ the WiseFool
January 1st, 2009. Don’t look now, but 2009 is here. And not a moment too soon! If it hasn’t registered with you yet, perhaps it’s because you’re still a lil’ shell-shocked. Like the rest of us.
By some estimates, nearly 6.9 trillion dollars evaporated out of the market in 2008. This past year was our financial 9/11. America, the Titanic, hit a wall and went down… and took the whole world with it. If you’re reading this, you’re one of the survivors. Yeh!
Where did all that money go? Nowhere. Perhaps it was never there to begin with. Speculation does not constitute value. Borrowed boom must come home to roost at some point. Will the economy bounce back? Yes, of course. But things will NEVER be the same again. Ever. The great shift has only begun. Read the rest of this entry »
“Both food and sex come with the same basic instruction: Find a socket that works, plug in, enjoy! With food, the socket’s called ‘hunger.’” ~ the WiseFool
At a talk I gave on food, one of the participants, whom I’ll call Raymond, a handsome devil, clad in plaid with a beautiful girl-friend in tow, posed me a question: “How can I tell when I am hungry?”
A simple question that deserves a simple answer, right? Except that I didn’t have one. Read the rest of this entry »
“Want to know thyself? Fire the shrink and peek into your pantry.” ~ the WiseFool
Rumor has it that you’re a good fibber. You can tell whoppers, spin yarn, spew tall tales, and otherwise have your way with people’s heads. Great, but can you call a bluff when you see it coming at you? Let’s find out.
Pour yourself a glass of Yellow Tail Shiraz, cut up some aged Cabot Cheddar, and let’s do a quiz.
You should never waste your food. True or false?
A: False. Food rots better outside the body than inside it. Read the rest of this entry »
“Possess me, baby, and you get to have me for an hour. Relate to me, and I’m yours forever.” ~ the WiseFool
Throw away that bathroom scale, burn the diet book, pour yourself the tallest glass of Eggnog, grate some nutmeg… and let’s resume our pleasure trip.
Ain’t no such thing as “personal happiness”
So where were we? Ah yes, now that we know what food and sex have in common, let’s pose a 4th grade question: Why do people even engage in food or sex? Pleasure, mostly. Side-effects include survival and procreation. And why do we pursue pleasure? Because it makes us happy, silly. Great! But the cat’s already out of the bag: We now know that not everyone finds happiness with food or sex, and almost everyone finds gratification. In other words, even though the promise of happiness is what lures us towards food or sex, there are no guarantees here. Come again? That’s like someone saying, “Here, buy this car from me. By the way, there’s no guarantee it’ll run.” Read the rest of this entry »
“If your daily bread is less than orgasmic, you are missing out on both food and sex.”
~ the WiseFool
What do food and sex had in common? Answer: Everything!
Anyone who offers such an answer to such an intriguing question either knows too much or knows nothing at all. About food and sex, that is. The truth, in my case, falls somewhere in the middle. Let’s just say that I know just enough to have your attention. Read the rest of this entry »
